15hypens:

in 7th grade we had this german teacher who immigrated to america from Germany about 23 years ago and one guy in my class thought it would be funny to ask him “Hey, because you’re german does that make you a Nazi?” and in a very thick german accent he replies “Hey, because you’re a white american boy, does that make you a slaveholder?” and the kid never tried to be funny in that class again

Reblogged from fatpeoplemakemehappy.

penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

Reblogged from fatpeoplemakemehappy.

libertea-and-cookies:

tumblr is going to be a mess on new years eve.

I mean think about everyone in different timezones so the brits will be like “HEY IT’S THE NEW YEARS GUYS!!” then the americans will be like “Nah man we got like 5 hours left.” Then the other half of america will be like “No” and the Australians will just be like “It’s January 2nd ???? ?

Reblogged from fuckyeahloldemort.